pop tarts are not kleenex
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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