spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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