my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
