the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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