Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
