Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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