Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
