I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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