some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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