dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16