Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up