Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.