Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..