im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
