Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
