We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
