Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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