I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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