guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
