i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
