My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
