let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize