she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
