soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
