return my video game
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was like eating out sand paper
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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