her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
