it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
