just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
