i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
