I don't think brook has ever known best
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
