you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
