I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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