He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this just has baby written all over it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
