I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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