That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
