I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
