someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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