omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
