somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
