it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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