k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
