Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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