well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
