you traded sex for a burrito?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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