Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
