just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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