Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
