I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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