Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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