no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
