And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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