I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
