I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
