I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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