At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.