I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place