the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.