Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump