she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder