I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
