college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
