So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
