I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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