You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
