everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
