the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
