Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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